Weary Striver

Growing up, I internalized a lot of negative and overly critical comments of some very close people in my life. Often, I'd feel overwhelmed and burdened by the feeling of never being good enough and the fear of failure. 

A perfectionist mindset played tug of war with understanding God’s grace and mercy. Looking back, I see how clearly this experience helped to shape a big part of the habitual striving I deeply struggled to cast off.

 I’d make mistakes and hold them over my head for long periods of time and ruminate on failures of the past. I felt afraid of God’s judgment and my best never felt good enough. I worried about His anger and disapproval looking down on me. It was hard to get back on track if I didn’t do things “perfectly”.

I felt like I had to earn His closeness to me with my actions. I had a view of Him that was harsh, and I feared His punishment.

Over time, God has renewed my mind by His truth, and He’s revealed His heart to me. He has helped me move past this bondage into freedom.

He wants us to honor Him with the way that we live, from a place of gratitude and love for Him - not from fear of condemnation or being afraid of His judgment.

I learned that God sees you and I under the cloak of His Son’s righteousness. It is Jesus’s righteousness that makes me a daughter of God. There is no righteousness you can attain without His presence in your heart enabling you to overcome every temptation and sin. 

He has made provision for the times you will slip and fall and calls you into deeper dependency on His Spirit. It’s by His spirit that you will overcome and stand firm against what can cause separation between you and Him.

He took the final consequence for you. He wants you to live a life free from your guilt and shame.

It is good to aim to live a life pleasing to the Lord. He calls us to do so in His word.  What is wrong, is living from the misconception that striving is the way to earn His approval or salvation by our own works of righteousness.

Let His forgiveness and love wash over you and propel you into a life of boldly and freely living for Him.

2 Corinthians 5:21 English Standard Version

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Isaiah 64:6 New Living Translation

We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and our sins sweep us away like the wind.

Last year, God further cemented an awareness in my heart of His love and grace. He showed me that I needed to rest in the finished work He accomplished and know that no work of mine increased His acceptance of me. I told my husband one evening I was afraid of dying without accomplishing all that God put on my heart to do. When I die one day, would God look at me from His Holy throne in disappointment? My husband calmly and reassuringly told me,

"You’re not saved because of anything you do or don’t do for God. You’re saved because of what Jesus did.”

For some reason, when he said this, it felt like a light had flickered on. I thought about this. I knew this. Didn’t I? However, on this particular night, I felt a peace flood my heart that I hadn’t felt before. I sat in silence processing this.

Romans 3:24 New Living Translation

Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.

I got out my notebook and wrote out a list of truths that I knew in my head but were finally making sense in my heart. It was like someone had lifted heavy luggage off my shoulders. We rejoiced in the goodness of God. We worshipped the Lord for this revelation and for the immeasurable gift of His Salvation given to us.

There is work to be done, He calls us to let our light shine for Him. He has put each of us here on Earth to bring Him glory and to be vessels of His love and presence. He lives inside of us. He enables us to live for Him and He refines us as we abide in Him.

If you are struggling to receive the grace and mercy God has freely given you, His truth shall set you free. Don’t give up. Trust in His word. He is good and true. Here are some thoughts and verses you can meditate on to remind your heart of the grace and love of God towards you.

Christ clothes you in His own righteousness when you accept what He did for you on the cross.

When you believe in the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross for you, and make Him Lord over your life, God views you as his child. He is already pleased with you for receiving His gift of salvation and living for Him.

He loves you right now in the same way he always has - There is nothing you can ever do for Him that will increase His love for you or make you worthy of saving. He loves you so much and chose you before the world even began.

In receiving God’s gift of salvation in your heart, His works will follow as you walk by His Spirit and obey His Word.

The things you do for God should flow from a heart that is resting in Him and is rooted in gratitude for what He has done. There's nothing you can ever do to pay Him back for what He did for you, but as you live for Him, and rest in the work He has already done, know that He is pleased with you, His child.

Take these truths into your heart, knowing that you are deeply loved, accepted, forgiven, and free in Christ. May His joy and peace cover you as you meditate on the work He has already done for you. May your light shine brightly for the one who saved you. May all that you do for God flow from a heart of gratitude and the presence of His Spirit working in you.